So my Verizon Phone bill surfaced through my pile of laundry this weekend. What a shock!!! $150+. I know what you are asking yourself at this point, and don't worry I have asked myself everyday. How the hell does one rack up such a phone bill in the modern era of "Unlimited IN calling" and enough competition to to make Capitalists jealous. Well it turns out that my text plan carries itself well in the United States, but the second I start texting our English brethran in the UK my per text rates skyrocket. One of my near and dear friends is studying abroad in her home country of the UK, I will not explain this but it is true.
Listen, my plan is already over a hundred dollars because I have sold my soul to RIM and Verizon and purchased a Blackberry with unlimited data and incalling and email and everything else. I figured that my text messages would somewhere be covered or at least I would receive a warning. Well, would I be writing this exert if that were true, probably not. But LISTEN!! after spending 5 minutes on the phone with "nothing they could do" I shot off a quick the quick email to customer service, that took me no more than 5 minutes to write, and lo and behold: $10.38 has been credited to my account. Obviously this doesn't cover the full amount, but really my work can be pro-rated to $60 an hour. But I have to be honest with you and say that the satisfaction of getting something back, from receiving a mini-bail out: Priceless.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Science for our Changing World
I am now the proud owner of an abacus. All of this fuss going on in the news, with the Science trying to recreate the Big Bang, and Russia and Cuba getting friendly again, I decided to see what in the modern day digital could be practically transferred to the analog. So after stumbling around the internet and coming across a video tutorial on the wonders of the abacus I knew what I needed.
This thing is quite useful in deed! It has kept my roommate busy for hours and has also enabled me to add and subtract large numbers with no pen or paper. So when the nuclear holocaust fells our electric supplies I will be the only person the block running any sort of business. Learn to use an abacus.
This thing is quite useful in deed! It has kept my roommate busy for hours and has also enabled me to add and subtract large numbers with no pen or paper. So when the nuclear holocaust fells our electric supplies I will be the only person the block running any sort of business. Learn to use an abacus.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
So what have I learned
**This is tied to the post below**
The good news is that through all this economic turmoil I have learned some valuable lessons as an American. I will list them below:
1.) When I become an Investment Bank never, EVER, lend money to people who can't pay it back.
2.) Collateralized Debt Obligations are as confusing as they sound
3.) If I am going to really f*ck up, make sure my hand is in everyone else's pocket so the government is FORCED to help me.
4.) I now know I can get out of any financial (or just any) conversation by saying "Do you really think you have a better idea of what's going on? I mean with the fall in housing prices, the pain at the pump, Sarah Palin and the Yankees missing the playoffs, I just don't know what to believe anymore." There, you cover every possible re-entry from the other person back into conversation and you can then tip your hat and say "till the 'morrow" or "God only knows my friend" and walk away.
5.) Americans have turned Capitalism into a Religion
6.) Capitalism has turned Americans into gods
7.) a 13 million digit prime number has been discovered (who knew!!)
8.) this number was discovered to help describe US debt
9.) Any crisis at the current moment is the WORST crisis at the current moment
10.) I need to get a physical
The good news is that through all this economic turmoil I have learned some valuable lessons as an American. I will list them below:
1.) When I become an Investment Bank never, EVER, lend money to people who can't pay it back.
2.) Collateralized Debt Obligations are as confusing as they sound
3.) If I am going to really f*ck up, make sure my hand is in everyone else's pocket so the government is FORCED to help me.
4.) I now know I can get out of any financial (or just any) conversation by saying "Do you really think you have a better idea of what's going on? I mean with the fall in housing prices, the pain at the pump, Sarah Palin and the Yankees missing the playoffs, I just don't know what to believe anymore." There, you cover every possible re-entry from the other person back into conversation and you can then tip your hat and say "till the 'morrow" or "God only knows my friend" and walk away.
5.) Americans have turned Capitalism into a Religion
6.) Capitalism has turned Americans into gods
7.) a 13 million digit prime number has been discovered (who knew!!)
8.) this number was discovered to help describe US debt
9.) Any crisis at the current moment is the WORST crisis at the current moment
10.) I need to get a physical
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Economy Bail Out Plan
The average American has to take a step back and start to formulate their own ideas of what "the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression" really means to them. I personally don't know anyone at Lehman, or at WaMu, so I can't say my friends and family are suffering from this current "crisis." Don't get me wrong, we will feel the effects as time passes, but the sensationalism and outright exploitation of the American people by the Media and by Government makes it sound like we have never gone through a "crisis" before. I crawled and walked through 1987 and black Monday, I have drank and made love through a Y2K and a tech bubble (not to mention that I have played baseball through times of "economic turbulence" and "civil uprisings," went to a few dances while "tensions remained high", I have even found a few jobs these past couple years in spite of this ever-present "disaster." Luckily for us the issue is transparent and the information readily accessible to the average American.
Let's take a look at $700 billion dollars the government will use to save (Praise the Looooord!) us, a number very easily conceived and manageable for the average American. No more than three days go by before I am dropping a $100 billion or so at the supermarket, or writing out a billion dollar check for my dry cleaning. Wait.... I never really come across a billion very often. "OH MY GOD!" the government is making up numbers!! At this time of crisis what better way to let the American people feel at ease than to make up some ridiculous number that they couldn't possibly comprehend, throw in anagrams like CMO and CDO. We have "toxic debt" spilling down our driveways and into your sewer pipes, while the CEOs are washing each other in liquid gold, dancing around in real Italian loafers. Let's get to the point and say, people with money and power created imaginary paper that put a value on what people THOUGHT was going to happen in real estate, that prices were going to go up, and up, and up and everyone could afford anything. They knew it couldn't last forever but they also knew it wasn't going to be them who were going to pay the price. It wasn't some devious plan, constructed over the years in the basement of conservatives and religious extremists, it was just a classic case of steal the cookie from the cookie jar and blaming your older brother. You know its wrong, but you get the reward and someone else pays for it!!! Brilliant! This has been going on from tots to teens to traders on Wall Street. Human nature doesn't just change. However, with these "bankers" trust me, their lives are much worse than yours or mine right now. The biggest and brightest just became the biggest dirt bags you have ever known. If you don't think these people knew what they were doing you are wrong, they just didn't know the 'when' of their consequences. Money was rolling in, and they didn't care. (If you want to sleep better, know that their families hate them because they haven't seen them in two years, their wives are sick of their cheating, and all their dollar bills aren't going to get up and start making them feel better, and supporting them like the friends they tossed along the way.)
You have faith, but I am sorry, it is misguided faith, those guys on Wall Street and in D.C. aren't really that much smarter than you or I, actually they are you and I. We have always held Wall Street and Bankers in such high regard, the educated, the elite, when in fact it is the labor of hard working Americans that bails them out of their cell when their coke addictions and fancy cars no longer hide the scam they have been living on.
Please though, don't worry about your money, don't worry about billions and billions of $$$$, it hasn't been worth anything for a very long time anyways. If you are just seeing the illusion for the first time close your eyes and pretend it never happened. You will be just fine as the generations before us have steadily shown.
Let's take a look at $700 billion dollars the government will use to save (Praise the Looooord!) us, a number very easily conceived and manageable for the average American. No more than three days go by before I am dropping a $100 billion or so at the supermarket, or writing out a billion dollar check for my dry cleaning. Wait.... I never really come across a billion very often. "OH MY GOD!" the government is making up numbers!! At this time of crisis what better way to let the American people feel at ease than to make up some ridiculous number that they couldn't possibly comprehend, throw in anagrams like CMO and CDO. We have "toxic debt" spilling down our driveways and into your sewer pipes, while the CEOs are washing each other in liquid gold, dancing around in real Italian loafers. Let's get to the point and say, people with money and power created imaginary paper that put a value on what people THOUGHT was going to happen in real estate, that prices were going to go up, and up, and up and everyone could afford anything. They knew it couldn't last forever but they also knew it wasn't going to be them who were going to pay the price. It wasn't some devious plan, constructed over the years in the basement of conservatives and religious extremists, it was just a classic case of steal the cookie from the cookie jar and blaming your older brother. You know its wrong, but you get the reward and someone else pays for it!!! Brilliant! This has been going on from tots to teens to traders on Wall Street. Human nature doesn't just change. However, with these "bankers" trust me, their lives are much worse than yours or mine right now. The biggest and brightest just became the biggest dirt bags you have ever known. If you don't think these people knew what they were doing you are wrong, they just didn't know the 'when' of their consequences. Money was rolling in, and they didn't care. (If you want to sleep better, know that their families hate them because they haven't seen them in two years, their wives are sick of their cheating, and all their dollar bills aren't going to get up and start making them feel better, and supporting them like the friends they tossed along the way.)
You have faith, but I am sorry, it is misguided faith, those guys on Wall Street and in D.C. aren't really that much smarter than you or I, actually they are you and I. We have always held Wall Street and Bankers in such high regard, the educated, the elite, when in fact it is the labor of hard working Americans that bails them out of their cell when their coke addictions and fancy cars no longer hide the scam they have been living on.
Please though, don't worry about your money, don't worry about billions and billions of $$$$, it hasn't been worth anything for a very long time anyways. If you are just seeing the illusion for the first time close your eyes and pretend it never happened. You will be just fine as the generations before us have steadily shown.
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